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It was really great, you know. It was beautiful. She was someone special and she made me feel special. Sometimes we talked about things I never talked about. We went deeper than I’ve ever been. Every day I found it more and more beautiful. It was amazing. We told each other whatever there was. There were no stop signs. I know not everything was perfect, but where the cracks are the light comes in. Perfect in imperfection.

She made me smile while only talking to me. She had funny stories, sad stories, crazy stories, lovely stories, old stories, new stories. I told her things faster about myself than to anyone I ever talked with. She listened. She answered. She wasn’t scared, because she knew I wasn’t looking for any solutions, but just two ears listening to me. And I liked it to be there for her too. I felt good because I could make her feel a little better. I love giving. It’s something so strong.

But now that it’s over. I don’t know what to do, should do or could do. I feel bad about it, you know. Because there was so much and now there’s nothing and the worse thing about it; I can’t do anything. There isn’t a decision I can make. I know it wasn’t her decision either. Not really. But there was no golden mean. I wish there was. I wish there could be one in the future someday.

I miss you.

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