Feelings are stupid. I did not have a carefree childhood, so nowadays it still bothers me sometimes, with some particular things, like criticism, jokes, etc. A friend told me people are  making jokes with her as a doormat and I can relate. if people say things too often, too much, too frequently, you get to the point you start thinking they’re not jokes anymore, but truths. That’s the point you’re not even sure about if they really love you, while you know, you know they do, but your heart, your feelings tells you different. And that’s stupid. You KNOW they’re just joking. You KNOW it with every inch of your brain, but your heart hurts. Your feelings get hurt. That’s the point you just burst out into tears while you think you’re super stupid.

Feelings: Maybe they don’t like me? 
Brains: Of course they do.
Feelings: But why are they doing this?
Brains:  They’re just joking, don’t take it too serious.
Feelings: But… It hurts!

And then criticism. If your whole childhood was all criticism and you’ve been ‘punished’ for it you can’t cope with it later on in life, IF given the same way. If you do something the way it shouldn’t be done, than someone can criticize you. If you’ve been criticized while you didn’t do anything wrong, that’s freaking hard. It destroys you. So… If I’m being criticized  I can handle it, if it’s given the good way. You can say, ‘hey Vera, you put the towel in the wrong basket, could you put it in the good one next time?’ with a normal, sweet voice or you can say ‘I want you to put the towel in the right basket next time’ with a cold, hard voice. Well, the last one, that’s when you can get the hell out of my face, because I hate people treating me like that. The first one is okay with me, I mean, it’s nicely asked, so why should I worry about it? It’s not bad criticism, it’s constructive criticism, I’m open for that and everyone who knows me a little knows that.

It’s hard to know you can’t handle everything and you can’t be strong all the time. If you know for a total 100 percent people love you and they can still hurt you with making silly jokes, there’s something wrong. Then you’re not certain of yourself and it’s hard to deal with that. Fortunately I have great friends and everyone knows, when I’m breaking down, it’s not their fault, it’s me. When they see that they’ve reached my limit, they’re totally concerned and all over me and then I know they didn’t mean it. I already knew, but still, my heart knows it too then. That’s a great feeling. It’s a great feeling people are by your side. They don’t need to have a solution, they just need to listen now and then.


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